Introduction: Welcome to Los Angeles, Where Stars Are Born… and Dinner Reservations Fail
La La Land (2016) is a love letter to Hollywood’s golden age—except with more coffee spills, awkward jazz riffs, and a desperate insistence that “gravity doesn’t apply to puppies.” Directed by Damien Chazelle, this film follows Mia (Emma Stone) and Sebastian (Ryan Gosling), two struggling artists who moonlight as a jazz pianist and an aspiring actress. Their quest for fame feels like a drunk person trying to solve a Rubik’s cube while riding a unicycle—chaotic, adorable, and occasionally heartbreaking.
Mia dreams of landing a role in a Broadway musical, while Sebastian vows to resurrect the glory days of cool jazz. Together, they navigate a city where dreams go extinct faster than a vegan at a barbecue. The movie’s tagline? “Follow your dreams!” But just kidding—it’s actually “Follow your dreams, but also eat ramen for three months.”
Time-Traveling Plot Fragments: A Chronological Playlist of Probs
Scene 1: The Audition That Went Worse Than a First Date
Mia auditions for a slew of roles, from a chirpy kindergarten teacher to a CGI dinosaur in a kids’ movie. Her performance in a musical number is less “showstopper” and more “someone accidentally wandered into a karaoke bar.” Meanwhile, Sebastian slaps his piano keys in a jazz club so aggressively that the bartender threatens to ban him for “musical manslaughter.” The chemistry? Non-existent. The humor? Priceless.
Scene 2: The Jazz-Jam Disaster
Sebastian convinces Mia to join his “cool jazz trio,” despite her complete lack of rhythm. They perform a song that sounds like a cat chasing a laser pointer. The audience’s reaction? Dead silence. Sebastian’s face? A mix of rage and existential dread. Mia tries to cheer him up by saying, “At least we’re making art!” Sebastian replies, “Art dies here.” cue awkward small talk about how much they hate Los Angeles.
Scene 3: The Epic Road Trip to Nowhere
In a misguided attempt to reignite their romance, Sebastian drags Mia to a scenic highway. He serenades her with a song about how much he loves her… while blasting traffic noise in the background. Mia’s response? A deadpan “This is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done.” Sebastian’s reply? A shrug and a muttered “Yeah, I know.” The moment is as cringe-worthy as a dad wearing a tutu at Disneyland.
**Scene 4: The Final Showdown (Or Is It Just a Really Long Scene?)**
Mia lands a lead role in a Broadway musical, but it requires her to abandon Sebastian for the spotlight. Meanwhile, Sebastian quits jazz to play keyboards for a soulless pop band. In a tearful confrontation, Mia accuses him of “never taking risks,” while Sebastian counters, “You took one risk—auditioning for a musical about talking penguins!” They reconcile… sort of. The ending is as ambiguous as a fortune cookie written in Swahili.
Review: La La Land—A Feel-Good Film That Somehow Made Me Cry Like a Spoiled Child
La La Land is like a glittery snow globe—beautiful to look at, slightly nauseating to shake, and occasionally heartbreaking when you realize the snowflakes are actually tiny shards of your soul.
**Why It’s Great:**
- **Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling’s Chemistry:** They’re like peanut butter and jelly, except one’s allergic to gluten and the other hates pickles. Their bickering is so charming you’ll want to marry them both.
- **The Music:** The songs are catchy enough to make you hum in public, even if you’re a hipster who hates “mainstream crap.”
- **The Visuals:** The neon-lit streets of LA look like a dream, unless you’re nightmares about gentrification.
**Why It’s Terrible:**
- **The Pacing:** Some scenes drag like molasses in January.
- **The Ending:** It’s a bittersweet hug that leaves you confused and vaguely depressed.
- **The Miscues:** A subplot about a rival actress feels like a deleted scene from Mean Girls: The Musical.
Final Thoughts: A Love Letter to Dreamers (And a Reminder to Order Takeout
La La Land isn’t about achieving greatness—it’s about embracing the absurdity of chasing it. Mia and Sebastian might never make it big, but they’ll always have… well, each other and a lifetime supply of awkward moments. The movie’s final shot—of them walking into the sunset, arm in arm, while a jazz song plays in their heads—will leave you either verklempt or rolling your eyes at how cheesy it is. Either way, you’ll want to watch it again immediately.
So go watch La La Land—but stock up on tissues and popcorn. And if you ever see a jazz pianist practicing in a coffee shop, give him a pat on the back. You might just be witnessing the next Sebastian.